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D1 Happy Birthday To Me

Good evening! Today was my 29th birthday and it was even better than I expected it would be. I woke up feeling that today was going to be a good day, but I didn't know just HOW good it would be.

Work was wonderful, I had a regular client who I love working with and then I got to offer one of my favorite body treatments which is so fun! I've only done a few of them but today I felt like I really rocked it :)

I am working extra tomorrow and because of that my boss sent me home early today to enjoy my afternoon and celebrate my bday! She's the best <3 Because of that I was able to go to my favorite beach; I haven't been there yet this year and it's a magical beautiful place. It was so great to go and listen to the waves. Plus I got so many extra steps, heck yes! Love earning those Activity Points ;-) 

After the beach we went to my parents for birthday dinner and I thankfully did really well. I can't lie, I was nervous. I'm always nervous that I'm going to go off the deep end when I go to my parents because it's the house I grew up in, the house I developed all my bad habits in and when I walk through the door it's like stepping into a time machine. Suddenly I'm looking in the fridge to see what they've got hiding in there or worst yet--the microwave!! My mom keeps all the good junk in the microwave. Cookies and pastries can always be found in the microwave and they call to me...and of course I can't just look in the microwave to ease the curiosity because once I've looked I'm suddenly starving. But only a cookie can crush that insatiable hunger. And once I've had 1 cookie I might as well have another...

I have a problem with food. Obviously.

Since it was my birthday I was able to request my favorite dinner and desert and I wanted something I don't have often, something delicious but also something that wouldn't make me feel like crap physically and emotionally. Traditionally bday dinners in my family are spaghetti and meatballs with bread (of course!) and cake with frosting...it's not that I don't LOVE my moms spaghetti but I love it TOO much and I can never seem to have just one serving. Usually at bday parties I eat until I'm uncomfortable and then feel awful physically but worse emotionally. Eating to the point of discomfort makes me feel like a failure and I start feeding (pun intended!) that inner voice by feeding my face. All the "well, you screwed up so you might as well eat ______" thoughts start flooding my brain. It's a downward spiral and it goes from bad to worse in a flash. 

I didn't want to celebrate my birthday with a binge and a food hangover this year. This is going to be a GOOD YEAR for me!! Especially weight loss wise! So I asked my mom if we could do fish instead. We live in Massachusetts, we have GREAT seafood and my mom makes delicious baked scrod (a white fish) that I don't get often. So I requested fish, sweet potato and broccoli and for desert I asked for an angel food cake with fat free cool whip and fresh strawberries. My mom was more than happy to oblige and made a delicious, Power Food packed, points friendly feast for me. I put the scale next to me on the table and weighed my dinner and desert and though my heart said "MORE! I want MORE it's SO TASTY!" my head said "NO!" It was challenging but I listened to my head. The worst part was staring at the leftover piece of angel food cake. 

It just sat there. Taunting me. I swear I could hear it!!

"Eat me.

Eeeeaaattt mmmeeee!! 

Tiffany...eat me.

EAT. ME.

I'm so delicious. Eat me!!!!

Don't let me go to waste! It's your birthday!"

I didn't. It was hard. I stared it down, it screamed silently at me. I walked away. 

I'd love to tell you leaving that hunk of angel food cake on the cake platter staring at me felt great. I'd love to tell you that I felt empowered like a total Weight Watchers rock star but I didn't. I felt angry to be totally honest. I was mad that I wanted it; I wished I was strong enough to have my serving and feel satisfied! Walking away from that piece, not eating it was hard and it wasn't satisfying in the moment but now that I'm home and I've had my tea and I'm reflecting on my day I feel proud of the decisions I made today and I am so incredibly happy that I made the decision to walk away from that left over piece of cake...maybe the satisfaction of walking away from food won't be so delayed in the future if I keep practicing. I fully intend to keep practicing!

Today was a beautiful day and I felt very special. All the love on Facebook, the texts and the calls made me feel like a princess but the best part of the day was sticking to the plan I had made for myself even though it didn't give me immediate satisfaction. 

The satisfaction I feel now was worth the wait. 

-t


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