Skip to main content

D17 Clothes Shopping SUCKS!

Until a couple weeks ago my closet was filled with clothes that were barely worn because they were ugly, worn out, never should've been bought in the first place or too big. Every time I went in there I was annoyed.

WHY DO I HAVE ALL THIS CRAP IF I NEVER WEAR IT!?

Because clothes shopping SUCKS! So I keep that crap as some kind of REALLY ugly security blanket. I don't have to shop if I have a bunch of clothes in my closet...but what's the point of having a bunch of clothes I don't or can't wear? So I filled a couple of bags and dropped them off at the local donation center. It felt good to get rid of the stuff that I didn't need and clear up some some space; hopefully someone who needs it will appreciate it more than me.

But now I have a different problem; my closet is empty!! I have 1 summer dress, 1 sweater dress, 2 cardigans, 1 pair of jeans and my work clothes...and I need new work clothes because my work pants are capris and it's October so it's time for long pants!! I'm in a mess and I need someone to come save me!

This blog is definitely NOT an advice type of blog because I'm so lost I can't even advise myself! I have NO idea how to dress myself LOL. When I was heavier I shopped at specialty stores and as hard as I tried I looked young and cute I always ended up looking like a grandma or if I went to your run of the mill department store I ended up looking like an overgrown twelve year old. I never felt like I was dressed age appropriately, I never felt cute and I never wore the trendy clothes...I just wore what I could find and tried not to look too terrible.

I thought that when I got smaller and could shop wherever I wanted that I would be like a kid in a candy store! I imagined shopping would be like it is in the movie Clueless (one of my childhood favorites!) where they go to the mall and walk out with bags upon bags but sadly I'm just as lost as I was before! Even though I'm now wearing 6's and can shop in the junior section I keep finding myself picking up the matronly pieces I used to wear. Mom jeans and crew neck long sleeve tees...ugh.

I don't know how to be cute. I don't know how to dress for my body type. I thought being smaller would be easier but it's not. Figuring out what makes me look funny and what doesn't is an exhausting process! I'm kind of a triangle-ish shape if not a rectangle...I'm like a trirectangle. My shoulders are broad, and I don't have curves but my hips are just a little narrower than my shoulders. When I was heavier I was so round you couldn't see my shape but now that I've lost 94 pounds I've realized I don't actually HAVE a shape.

I've figured out what I DON'T like:
-really tight pants
-low rise pants
-high waisted pants 

...I don't like pants...

But I'm not Pooh Bear so I kind of have to wear them. Damn.

-tight shirts
-polos
-button down blouses
-any shirt with a collar
-oversized shirts
-short shirts

I guess I don't like shirts as much as I don't like pants!

I don't like strapless dresses or shirts, I don't like halters all that much, I'm not a fan of anything low cut because I don't have the cleavage to support it but I also don't like anything too high because it makes me feel like I'm being suffocated. I don't like turtlenecks and I HATE mock turtlenecks. I hate color...

The list of what I don't like grows more and more everyday but I'm slowly but surely trying to learn to be comfortable in things I'm not comfortable in...within reason.

Today I went shopping because I absolutely had to! I only got 2 shirts and 2 pairs of pants but it's a start! The pants I got are gray and black plaid jeggings (from the junior section!) and a pair of brown leggings. I know I said I don't like tight pants but I can't stand droopy ass either!) I was happily surprised to try them both on (without spanx!!! HUGE NSV!!!) and like...ok, no...LOVE what I saw. Yes, I loved them. They're really cute and they make me feel really good :) They're a bit out of my comfort zone but I felt confident in them and I started piecing together outfit ideas in my head while wearing them.

I've got a great pair of brown knee high boots and cream colored boot socks that will look great with the leggings. I have no idea what will go on top of those but that's OK. Maybe the bottom half of me will look so great no one will notice that I'm walking around in my bra! :-P

I need a new pair of black boots for the fall/winter season so I'll be going to my favorite shoe store (DSW) to browse soon. I love, love, love their clearance!! Such great steals on shoes and accessories.

One of the tops I got is a sweater that's loosely knit so I'll need to wear a cami underneath. It's light blue with some sparkle to it; the bottom is a-line so the right side is higher than the left. It's cute and even though it's not black I felt cute in it! The other top is a black sweater with a cowl neck. It's fitted on the bottom but looser on top and it's pretty cute. It'll look good with my new plaid jeggings and bare feet (haha!)

Someday I plan on having a wardrobe that I can mix and match and wear year after year but I need to get to my goal size first! This year isn't the year and that's OK. I've got enough pants to get me through, I'll definitely need a few more tops but I will keep looking.

Thankfully the one thing that I have enjoyed since losing weight is accessorizing and dressing up my outfits with makeup! I never really wore accessories or bright makeup before because I didn't want to stand out and be noticed. I didn't want people to see bright red lips and then see my fat body or see a necklace but no neck...when I was heavier I felt like there was always a spotlight on me but I also felt completely invisible. That's a blog topic for another night.

When I started losing weight and started feeling more confident I decided to start experimenting with things like scarves...it's funny how nervous I was to wear one for the first time.

OMG, I'm doing something trendy. Everyone is going to laugh at me like "look at that fat girl trying to fit in.

No one laughed. Then I started wearing earrings. Then my earrings got bigger and more fun. I don't have a lot of hair so I can't style it different ways; my earrings became my hair ;-) I don't know much about makeup, I definitely don't buy the best brands but I look at magazines all the time and I found myself thinking "I really like that color...I wonder if I could pull it off" so one day I decided just to try! I started wearing fun lip colors like bright pink, dark purple or red and sometimes I give myself a little wing with my eyeliner. I try to focus on one "feature" at a time so I don't look too clowny. If I go for a dramatic eye I tone down the lip and if I play up the lip I tone down the eye.

Instagram, YouTube and Pintrest are great places for fashion and makeup inspiration. I find I have an easier time with makeup because that tends to be more universal. Most people have eyes, lips and cheeks that they can apply makeup too...not everyone is lucky enough to have a trirectangle body shape so unfortunately I've got to find inspiration for clothes in the dressing room mirror which can be really discouraging OR really great.

Today I only got 4 pieces but it felt good to try them all on, like what I saw and buy it all without shape wear underneath holding everything in. It was nice to see the hard work I've been putting in at the gym pay off a bit, it was nice to feel confident and it inspired me to keep trying. I won't give up! Just because I'm only  +2 shirts and +2 pants, that's 4 more items of clothing to add to my barren closet ;-)

When I was little I used to LOVE playing dress up...maybe I just need to pretend I'm not shopping, I'm just playing. Maybe that'll make things a little more fun :) And maybe after a while I'll be able to put my finger on what my personal style is...or maybe I don't need a label. Maybe I'll be "fashionably fluid". Like Miley...

-t

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Fell In Love Today

I fell in love today. It was the craziest feeling and one of the most amazing moments in my 29 years of life. I will never forget the day I stood in the Target dressing room looking at her. Admiring her. Seeing her strength and beauty despite her flaws...maybe even because of them. She was stunning. Absolutely radiant and proud. She was beautiful outside but not because she had a toned stomach, tanned flawless skin and a thigh gap; she was a different kind of beautiful. She was genuinely beautiful. I stood there staring at her and admiring her and I felt myself smiling; caught off guard by how I was feeling! Almost a little ashamed that she caught my admiring eye. But she didn't reject my admiration; instead she smiled back at me and before I knew it I was crying.

Time was suspended as I stood there weeping softly, hot tears rolling down my cheeks but I didn't feel embarrassed in her presence. I was overcome with emotion but shame was not one. With her standing there I I felt s…

Falling In Love Again

At Weight Watchers this week we were talking about being kind to yourself. I was asked when it was I decided to stop beating beating myself up and I started to cry the moment I said “it all started with a bikini”.
You can read that story here if you want to be caught up. 
I instantly felt my face flush as I realized I wasn’t going to be able to keep talking without tears rolling down my cheeks and I paused for a moment to look around the room. Was what I was about to do career suicide? What would my boss think if she walked into the meeting room and witnessed the leader having an emotional breakdown? 
My job as a leader is to facilitate a conversation among members, to create an environment where each and every person who walks through the door feels safe and supported and to ensure that each week members leave feeling like they got a figurative hug with a side of science.
It’s great to be warm and fuzzy and I love that Weight Watchers has moved past the days of a leader lecturing for 45 …

D10 5 Ways to Make Running Suck Less & How You Can Apply These Tips To Your WLJ Even If You Don't Run!

I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday and this article popped up on my news feed. I've been running for a while now and I figured it would probably have information I already knew because I know it all...obviously! But I clicked on it anyways, why not!?

And I'm so happy I did! I actually found it funny and I appreciated the reminders because even though I knew things before I read it I wasn't applying them to my runs...but as I read I realized how much this article was a metaphor for other aspects of my weight loss journey! I can apply these tips to more than running, and heres how:

1. Get your chin down! Keep your jaw relaxed. Being aware of tension in my body is super important for me and it's especially important I'm aware of tension in my jaw. I get stressed, I clench my teeth and what happens next? I'm STARVING. Why? Because I'm tense and anxious, I'm not actually in need of food! If I can catch the clench and get to the bottom of what's cau…