Skip to main content

D24 Healthy Isn't A Size, It's A Lifestyle

Scrolling through Facebook I stumbled across a picture someone posted on a weight loss group I'm part of and I LOVED it so of course I stole it and posted it on Instagram (@writing_my_success_story if you want to follow me!)

I think often we look at people who are slim and think "they're healthy!" and conversely we look at someone who is bigger and say "they should lose weight...that's not healthy"

But the truth is you can't tell by looking at someone how healthy or unhealthy they are. At my start weight I was morbidly obese according to the BMI chart but I had no health issues that were caused by my weight. No high blood sugar, no high blood pressure, cholesterol was good, heart was good and I had pretty good stamina when working out; of course it's better now that I've been working out a lot more but it wasn't terrible back then. To look at me you'd probably think I was terribly out of shape and must have a plethora of health issues but you know what they say about assuming...

Despite knowing firsthand what it's like to be unfairly judged I still find myself looking at thin people and thinking they must be healthy and comparing myself to them. I'll think "I wish I looked like her" or "I bet she's faster than me" but the truth is just because a girl looks fantastic in her yoga pants, doesn't mean she's actually a yogi...maybe she threw those on to pick up a carton of cigarettes and a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Sometimes looks can be deceiving and I'm making myself miserable by comparing myself to others. Instead of enjoying my healthy lifestyle I'm focusing on the fact that people might not think I'm healthy because I don't look like the model on the cover of Shape.

Often when I tell people I run I feel like I need to defend it. I feel like people look at me and see me at my start weight forgetting that they probably don't. Either way I'm a work in progress and I'm feeling fitter and stronger every day! Maybe someday I'll stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks and I'll stop feeling like I need to defend myself.

I know I don't look like that girl over there with the six pack and killer gluts but that's because I've lost almost 100 pounds and my skin was stretched to capacity for 24 years. So even though my booty isn't round and perky like hers I promise I work really hard. Someday maybe I won't have so much extra skin on my stomach but I'll probably never have a 6 pack but that's not due to lack of trying. I work out 4-5 days a week and I lift heavy weights at least twice a week. I have a personal trainer that I trade with too...so I know I might not look like it but I promise I really am fit.

The truth is it's no one makes me feel like I need to defend myself. No one has ever asked for an explanation or said "you don't look like you work out"; I shouldn't assume I know what people are thinking when they look at me but I still see me at 250+ pounds. I think when I'm trying to convince others that I actually live a healthy lifestyle I'm really actually trying to convince myself.

Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that this is who I am. It's hard for me to believe that I actually enjoy working out and it's hard for me to believe that I'm actually wearing a certain size. I desperately needed a new pair of work pants because mine are droopy in the crotch (you're welcome for that visual! LOL) and so baggy in the legs that I feel like a clown when I wear them. I work in a high class spa and I look like a trash bag! Plus it's not very comfortable having my pants pulled all the way up under my boobs with my crotch between my knees. So today I went shopping and I bought a new pair of pants. I brought a 6 and an 8 into the dressing room with me and I tried on the 6's first but thought they were a little loose...6's are loose? No way...so I tried the 4 even though inside I was rolling my eyes telling myself I was being silly and a 4 would NEVER fit but when I tried them on they did. I still can't believe it and of course I'm thrilled but also downplaying it by saying "they're 97% spandex so that's why" and "it's a fluke they must be cut WAY big" and "a pair of 4's at another store or even another brand would never fit". Instead of being excited and jumping for joy I'm ruining my own NSV. WHAT THE HECK!?

Why can't I just believe that this is who I am and allow myself to see the changes and accept them? Why can't I allow myself to see that even though I'm not a size 000 with a round perky booty that I'm healthier than I've ever been and every day I'm getting healthier!? Why can't I celebrate my success without instantly trying to downplay it? Why must I rain on my own parade?

I'm working on it.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and wearing my new pants and my new bra! I used to wear clothes that were too big trying to camouflage my weight and hide beneath the layers but then I realized that big clothes make me look bigger! Of course wearing clothes that are too small will also make me look bigger...fortunately I got lucky today and like Goldilocks found a pair of pants and 2 bras that are "just right" and were also on sale--woohoo!!

I'm going to rock my new outfit tomorrow and remember that confidence is sexy and I have no reason not to be confident. I've been working hard and feeling good and people will see what I want them to see. I'll keep in mind that health and wellness isn't a round booty in a pair of yoga pants or a number on the scale.

Healthy is 
a big beautiful smile, a positive attitude, a tracker that's already filled out (with mostly power foods and within my DPT!), lots of water and a dash of exercise and guess what, I've got all those things!

-t


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Fell In Love Today

I fell in love today. It was the craziest feeling and one of the most amazing moments in my 29 years of life. I will never forget the day I stood in the Target dressing room looking at her. Admiring her. Seeing her strength and beauty despite her flaws...maybe even because of them. She was stunning. Absolutely radiant and proud. She was beautiful outside but not because she had a toned stomach, tanned flawless skin and a thigh gap; she was a different kind of beautiful. She was genuinely beautiful. I stood there staring at her and admiring her and I felt myself smiling; caught off guard by how I was feeling! Almost a little ashamed that she caught my admiring eye. But she didn't reject my admiration; instead she smiled back at me and before I knew it I was crying.

Time was suspended as I stood there weeping softly, hot tears rolling down my cheeks but I didn't feel embarrassed in her presence. I was overcome with emotion but shame was not one. With her standing there I I felt s…

Falling In Love Again

At Weight Watchers this week we were talking about being kind to yourself. I was asked when it was I decided to stop beating beating myself up and I started to cry the moment I said “it all started with a bikini”.
You can read that story here if you want to be caught up. 
I instantly felt my face flush as I realized I wasn’t going to be able to keep talking without tears rolling down my cheeks and I paused for a moment to look around the room. Was what I was about to do career suicide? What would my boss think if she walked into the meeting room and witnessed the leader having an emotional breakdown? 
My job as a leader is to facilitate a conversation among members, to create an environment where each and every person who walks through the door feels safe and supported and to ensure that each week members leave feeling like they got a figurative hug with a side of science.
It’s great to be warm and fuzzy and I love that Weight Watchers has moved past the days of a leader lecturing for 45 …

D10 5 Ways to Make Running Suck Less & How You Can Apply These Tips To Your WLJ Even If You Don't Run!

I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday and this article popped up on my news feed. I've been running for a while now and I figured it would probably have information I already knew because I know it all...obviously! But I clicked on it anyways, why not!?

And I'm so happy I did! I actually found it funny and I appreciated the reminders because even though I knew things before I read it I wasn't applying them to my runs...but as I read I realized how much this article was a metaphor for other aspects of my weight loss journey! I can apply these tips to more than running, and heres how:

1. Get your chin down! Keep your jaw relaxed. Being aware of tension in my body is super important for me and it's especially important I'm aware of tension in my jaw. I get stressed, I clench my teeth and what happens next? I'm STARVING. Why? Because I'm tense and anxious, I'm not actually in need of food! If I can catch the clench and get to the bottom of what's cau…