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D30 ZUMBA!!!

I haven't been to Zumba in years! I used to go once or twice a week with my mom but after our instructor left we never returned and then I switched gyms and I was afraid to go alone. I signed up for the YMCA over a year ago and a huge part of why I picked the Y was for the classes. I kept promising myself I was going to go but couldn't convince myself to be brave enough just to take the plunge. I did take 1 spin class but I hated it and I haven't been brave enough to try another group exercise yet. It's scary going alone! I have no one to laugh at myself with if I'm alone...if I'm alone everyone is just going to laugh at me and I'm going to feel like such a loser...or I can walk in like I'm the cool girl and not care what anyone else thinks. I'm here to work out, not impress you!! That confidence is fleeting though. 99% of the time I'm like "they're all gonna laugh!" and 1% of the time I'm like "let em!"

This morning good ol' Lexi Lu (dog) decided she was hungry and had to eat RIGHT AWAY. 6:30 a.m. It was still dark. I was up last night until after midnight and I had my alarm set for 8 but Lexi wasn't letting anyone get any rest until she got food. My wife is sick so I decided to let her sleep and I dragged myself out of bed and realized I was also starving so instead of going back to bed I made myself a small breakfast and got dressed for the gym.

By the time I got there it was a little before 8 so I did my back, shoulders, abs and biceps routine and at 8:20 I decided enough is enough and it's time to stop being a baby. I enjoyed Zumba when I was going, it was fun and I burned calories, what more could I ask for!? Class started at 8:30 so I wandered in and hesitantly asked a group of women if this was the right room for Zumba.

I was welcomed with open arms and everyone joked that they were terrible too and they weren't worried about my dance moves as long as I wasn't worried about theirs. I definitely wasn't! The instructor was super sweet and she introduced herself to me and during class made sure she gave me a wave a few times even shouting out "great job Tiff!" and then asking the entire class mid song and dance if they all agreed I look like P!nk. Thank you SO much for that incredible compliment (she's gorgeous!) but now the entire class is watching me try to twerk and it's not pretty...but it was a blast!!!

I'm so glad I got brave enough and stopped worrying so much about what others might think and how much of an idiot I might look like. I often find myself thinking I'm the girl I used to be. Overweight and awkward; the biggest one in the room but also completely invisible. I have a feeling people are going to see me and judge me but completely ignore me because I'm fat and therefore insignificant. It's hard to remember sometimes that I'm NOT that girl and even when I was overweight I was far from insignificant. I wish I had seen that if anyone thought so that was their problem but I was too blinded by my own insecurities. Today I forced myself to let go of those insecurities. I told myself "it's an hour of your life. If it's terrible you can leave but remember, you've lost 97.6 pounds. You are incredibly capable and you can do anything you put your mind too. You have no reason not to feel proud and go in there with your head held high. So DO IT!"

And so I did.

I shook, shimmied, cha-cha'd, tangoed and laughed my butt off for a full hour this morning and I can't wait to do it again next Friday! I loved that my instructor made me feel confident and yes, at some points REALLY sexy! She had these moves where she ran her hands up her body like such a vixen and as I mimicked her I felt just as foxy as she looked. I don't know what I looked like, I don't care! I felt good and I feel good now. Absolutely exhausted but a good exhausted; ready for bed!!

Goodnight moon <3


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