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D45 Sticking To The Plan

Today I'm not feeling so great. Very PMS-y and a little broken out and tired and normally when I feel this way I give myself permission to loosen the reigns a little and encourage myself to eat my emotions. Hormones have me feeling wonky and I'll probably gain due to them anyways so it's OK to go ahead and indulge.

The problem with that is I'm eating my emotions and that's NOT OK. I've been working really hard to focus on remembering that FOOD IS FUEL. Food is not a bandaid; eating crap because I'm hormonal isn't going to change the fact that I'm hormonal. If my hormones were making me physically hungry then of course I should eat because if you're hungry, you're hungry!! It's OK to eat more than you expected to or more than you planned to during the day if you legitimately need to. But overeating because I have an emotional desire is NOT OK.

I struggle with binge eating and for me one little slip leads to a snowball effect and before I know it I'm out of control. Allowing myself to eat more than I have planned or use weeklies or AP's "just because" isn't a strategy that works for me. I don't feel deprived, I don't feel physically hungry, I just feel the desire to eat because it's what I've always done. But what I've always done is what got me to 250+ pounds.

So, I'm trying something new and so far it's been working. Sticking to my DPT was something that I thought was absolutely impossible, especially when that number went from 40 something all the way down to 26. The change didn't happen over night of course; it was a very slow process a point every 10 or so pounds until I got to 26 which is where I'll stay until I get to goal and start maintenance. 26 seemed so small to me, so out of reach and absolutely absurd. I determined that I'd never be able to achieve that and so I never really tried. But about 4 weeks ago I decided to try to stay within or very close to my DPT even if I earned AP's or had WP's that were sitting unused. Just because I have the points doesn't mean I have to eat them. When I took the time to plan my day I realized that staying within my DPT was totally possible-at least on paper. I had it all filled out in black and white; exercise meals and snacks at a glance. The only thing I needed to do was follow the map I made for myself. And so I did. It really wasn't that hard at all. 


The hardest thing for me about sticking to my DPT has been earning all those AP's and not eating them. Usually when I earned AP's I'd use them for special treats not realizing how much those treats were actually costing me. Now that I've stopped indulging as often I've realized how much I actually don't love some of those "special foods" and I realized I was wasting a lot of points on them for no reason other than "because I can." Eating a Milkyway "because I can" is not as satisfying as indulging in a decadent piece of cheesecake "because I worked hard, saved my AP's and I really want it."

Treats taste better when they're less frequent. They feel more special when you plan for them and save AP's or WP's (or both!) and you know that you're indulging in it because you really want it. It's like spending money...it feels better to save up for a big purchase than blow all your cash on a bunch of little ones.

It might take me a long time to save 20k but when I do I can go buy myself a car. A beautiful car, one I really like with all the bells and whistles. With 20k I could probably buy a brand new car! I can customize it exactly how I want it; it'll be perfect but it requires dedication. It means I have to save 1 dollar 20 thousand times. That could take me years! But I know it'll be worth it when I have that key in my hand and I take my beautiful new ride home...

OR...

I could spend 1 dollar at the dollar store 20 thousand times. I could buy sooooooo much crap at the dollar store with 20k. Cleaning supplies, candy, school supplies, birthday cards, tissues, pet bowls...I mean, the possibilities are endless and I could stop in there every single day if I wanted to and buy a new item! I'd get immediate gratification every time I spent my hard earned buck but what will I haul all my crap home in? A 500 dollar beater car that starts 30% of the time if I hit it just right? Ya see what I'm saying?

Sometimes saying no in the moment and banking the urge to spend (money or points) pays off BIG TIME in the long run. I guess we'll see how my saying no pays off soon enough. It's only been about 4 weeks that I've been making a real effort to stay within my DPT 6 out of 7 days a week and so far it's paid off well.

I feel better physically and emotionally and the scale has been moving in the right direction (except for last week when I was up .4...stupid hormones!) so I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Scale aside I feel better and that's what matters most. It is tempting to not stick to the plan, especially this time of year when I'm surrounded by tons of candy and the holiday feasts are about to start but I remember how terrible I felt last year when I didn't have a plan to stick to and I never want to feel that miserable again! So I'm sticking to it.

-t

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