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Showing posts from November, 2015

D62 Changes...?

Holy crap!

Weight Watchers is changing!

What the heck happened!?

I don't know details and it's WAY too late for me to be thinking about this but I'm PSYCHED!!

I love this program and it's always worked for me so though I'm a little nervous and apprehensive about this I'm also thinking it could be the push I need to get this ball rolling and get me to where I need to be!!

I've been through a lot of changes with Weight Watchers and I've been on all of their programs and I've had success with ALL of them. I trust them and I am glad they are evolving and I look forward to seeing these changes take place!!

I'm nervous but REALLY excited!!

I'll post when I know more :)

D61 A Plan For Goal...?

So I've never been a normal weight. My entire life I've been obese...the first time I heard the word MORBIDLY obese I was in middle school. All through elementary I was just obese but in middle school shit got real. Now I was the deadly kind of obese...too bad that wasn't enough to scare me into doing something to change it! I mean, I did...I joined Weight Watchers when I was 12, I was in the 6th grade and I weighed almost 200 pounds. I lost 30 but then I quit. I wanted to be a "normal kid" but as soon as I quit I gained my weight back and I was morbidly obese again.

Although it's totally unhealthy and NOT where I want to be it's what I'm used to. Though I've been at or near my current weight for about 2 years now I still struggle to feel like this is real. There are days I think I'm still 100 pounds heavier than I am...but there are also days where I feel like maybe my body is happy where it is and I should stop trying to lose these last few p…

D60 Tomorrow Is DECEMBER!?

Oh man! Where the heck did this time go!? Holy crap. It's already almost December!! I need to work on some goals.

I had goals for October and I ROCKED it! November I didn't set any specific goals and I struggled a little. Maybe more mentally than anything but for some reason November was tough for me.

Last December was horrendous for me and I'm not willing to go through that again. No freakin way!!

I've been thinking a lot the last couple of days, trying to figure out why I wasn't feeling so hot, where my motivation went and trying to dig myself out of the doldrums and because of all that thinking (and blogging again!) I feel much better.

Thank goodness.

I realized that I like having a plan, I like having a short term goal, I like being prepared and when I don't have the things I need I don't do well so I'm going to make sure I consistently have what I need; no excuses. I avoided the grocery store pre-Thanksgiving because I didn't want to deal with the c…

D59 A Half...?

after my 5K last week I vowed to find a half marathon to run soon. i need to! it's not a matter of want, it's a matter of necessity, lol! i'm craving it, like a drug. or food. i need the challenge and i need the training accountability and i need something to focus on to keep me going because my motivation tends to get a little frozen in the winter. 

i'm part of a running club on facebook, i've never actually run with them but i know a few of the members so i was added. i was browsing the page the other day and someone had posted a picture with a half marathon training guide and then said "anyone want to join us?" and without thinking i said "me!!" i'm going to start training and pray the run doesn't get cancelled due to snow. it's at the end of february and last year it got cancelled because massachusetts got buried...worst case scenario it gets cancelled and i'll be extra prepared for the half i plan on doing in april.

my plan is…

D58 Running Is A Spiritual Experience

I ran a 5K a week ago and it was AMAZING! I had a PR of 30:22; I took over 2 minutes off my last PR! For some people a 5k is no big deal. It's not a marathon or even a half but every time I start running I'm like "omg!! I'm doing it" I feel like I'm doing something flying! I know I'm just running and people do it everyday so to them it's no big deal and I know I'm not the fastest or the strongest but it doesn't me it's HUGE!!

I never thought I'd be a runner. The first time I tried to run I thought I was going to throw up! I was so nauseous, I couldn't understand why people did this and why people thought it was fun. The only reason I kept trying was because I wanted to be a runner. I wanted to say proudly "I'm a runner" because I idolized runners. They did something I couldn't do, something i never dreamed I'd be able to do and I was infatuated.

Then my sister started running and s…

D57 Go Ahead...Like Yourself!

Too often we focus on what we don't like about ourselfves and we spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others wishing we could be more like them.

Why is it OK to look in a mirror and tear ourselves apart? Why are we able to rattle off an endless list of what we hate about our bodies but when asked what we like about ourselves we clam up like it's the worst thing EVER for us to actually like ourselves?

If we say "my legs are so fat. I hate my thunder thighs!" I feel like everyone within ear shot will gether around and start saying "omg my ass is so flat!"  Or "my skin is terrible!" It's like somehow picking ourselves bonds that scene in Mean Girls where they all stand in the mirror, it's funny but it's REALLY not. It's heart breaking!

God forbid you say "I really love how green my eyes are!" Or "I like what I see when I look in the mirror." Somehow I feel like the worst person in the world when I don…

D56 Feeling Better

Grocery shopping last night definitely helped me mentally. I slept better because there was food in my lie. I had dinner last night, packed my breakfast and lunch, tracked everything, had dinner was AMAZING! Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I'm still worried about weighing in on Wednesday though because of the fact that last Wednesday I overate and Friday I emotionally ate but the rational side of me is like "you ate 2 points Friday. 2 over your DPT! GET OVER IT!" I'm not very nice to myself sometimes so I'm trying to think about what I would say to a friend if she confided in me that she felt bad about choices she made during the week...and this is what I would say.

You are human and every once in a while you get anxious or upset or just plain hungry and that's OK. Eating a little more than you planned is NORMAL. Obsessing about it isn't. Worst case scenario you gain on Wednesday when you weigh in, what's the big…

D55 Anxiety Eating

The past couple of days I've been out of my normal routine and it's caused me a LOT of anxiety...I used to suffer with tremendous panic and anxiety but I've gotten over it and I've been able to really control it through coping skills and personal growth and yada yada but the past couple of days I've been an anxious mess...

Not needing medicine or anything like that but I self medicated with food...Wednesday I was nervous about Thanksgiving and therefore had the hungry horrors and though it could've been worse I was disappointed with my lack of control. Yesterday wasn't terrible and today I'm only 2 points over my DPT but I still ate BECAUSE I was anxious. Not because I was hungry.

I'm trying to remember tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start, a chance to try again but I'm disappointed with myself and worried that I won't be strong enough to fight emotional eating tomorrow.


I am strong. I'm a fierce, strong amazon!! I AM WOMAN! HEAR…

D54 Thanksgiving 2015

I survived Thanksgiving! It could've gone a little better, but not much. I did really great and I stuck to my plan. I started feel my resolve weaken a little but instead of giving in I took a deep breath, walked away and regrouped.

When the chips and dip and cheese and crackers came out and everyone started digging in, despite the fact that I was truly NOT hungry I wanted to munch. I just wanted to stuff food in my mouth because it's what I've ALWAYS done and it's what everyone else was doing. But I didn't. Instead I ate a couple of garlic pickles (so good!!) and drank my blackberry carbonated water.

Then dinner came out and I saw the plethora of food and felt obligated to eat it so there weren't too many leftovers. Then I remembered that my body is not a garbage disposal. It is NOT my job to get rid of the food on the counter. It can be packaged up and put away. Or thrown away! So I got my measuring cups and food scale and I weighed and measured my turkey, stuff…

D53 I've Taken Too Much Time Away From Myself

I'm really regretting that I've taken a HUGE break from my blog. I was doing great! Committed to an every day post but then I got busy with my job and started neglecting I often do.

Luckily I've been doing really good despite not blogging! I hit my 100 again, I ran a 5K with a record time of 30:22 (!!!),  I bought a car...

Like things are ridiculously good!! But I realized today that I'm REALLY missing my daily blog. I miss talking myself through issues and talking about my victories both on and off the scale and today I got tired and stressed and ate, and ate, and attttteeeee...


I have done SO well controlling my urges to binge lately; today was really awful. I wouldn't consider it a full on binge by any means. I ate a lot but it was a lot of power foods; I am tired and I was too hungry and I'm a little nervous about tomorrow and that's NOT a reason to eat.

But tomorrow I'll go back to the gym for weights and cardio before the big feast and …

D52 Injuries

So randomly and thankfully infrequently my left ankle balloons to about twice it's normal size with no indication that it's going to do so and no cause--hence the word "randomly". I've never had an injury to my left ankle before so it's not like an old injury flaring's just like "SURPRISE!!" It happens once or twice a year...

Well it's happening right now. It's sore due to the inflammation but otherwise it's fine. Range of motion is a little restricted because it's swollen but I can walk on it, I can work, but I probably shouldn't go to Piloxing tomorrow...I'm going to go to the gym and do my pull and abs weight routine and I'm going to attempt some low impact cardio like the elliptical but if it causes me discomfort I'll have to stop until this weird swelling thing subsides.

I'm frustrated because I've been doing SO great and being SO consistent with my workouts but if I don't want to ACTUALLY h…

D51 Just Do It

This morning I woke up feeling "eh". I was planning on Zumba and weights but then I was like "maybe I'll run..." "maybe I'll just do Zumba..." "I can do full body weights on Sunday and Tuesday..."

The plan was to lift weights and THEN Zumba but I couldn't get myself out the door on time so I went to Zumba (begrudgingly) and as soon as the class started I was glad I did. I actually felt so good, proud, strong and fit that I decided to stay for weights and killed my push and legs day :)

I'm glad I did! I feel so much better than I would've if I had skipped it. I've been allowing myself to feel sad about my 1 pound gain on Wednesday and that's doing me no good. I honestly couldn't have done anything different...I stayed within my DPT, I worked out, I got all my GHG's EVERY day...I killed it! Sometimes the scale just doesn't acknowledge how hard you work which is exactly why I shouldn't be relying on it as a…

D49 & D50

I skipped yesterday's blog because I'm exhausted but it was a good day. I had a lot of anxiety during the day about my weigh in; I felt bloated and like I had gained though I made great food and exercise choices so couldn't justify a gain but unfortunately I was up when I weighed in :( I'm so close to the illusive 100 but I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and eventually I know I'll have it within my grip...and then some.

I texted my trainer to tell her how anxious I was and let her know I was hanging in despite the anxiety and continuing to make good choices. She asked what I was having for dinner as she knows I struggle with Wednesday night "cheat nights" and I admitted that I was planning on indulging in pizza even though I don't think I should do dairy. She encouraged me to take the power out of Wednesday nights by planning an indulgence meal on another random night instead of on "weigh in night".

At first I was like "ya, ok&…

D48 More Pumpkin Recipes

1 cup pumpkin
1 Weight Watchers Caramel Toffee Smoothie
A splash of milk (I used unsweetened cashew milk)
1 cup spinach
Cinnamon to taste
6 ice cubes
2 tsp oil (for your GHG) optional

2 PointsPlus (4 if you include the oil)

Blend and store in a freezer over night. The next day about 3-4 hours before you plan on indulging in this AMAZING snack take it out of the freezer and put it in the fridge. Enjoy with a spoon just like ice cream minus the guilt



D47 Yet Another Change...

So yesterday I talked about Piloxing and how it was going to be my new Sunday morning class...but...

I decided that on payday I really love the extra that working Sunday's gives me and I can't do both so I decided to sacrifice Piloxing for now and work Sunday's for a little bit longer.

Fortunately my job needs me as much as I need them and my boss was thrilled that I asked to pick them up. We'll both benefit from this and I need the extra cash right now because not only are the holiday's coming (AH!) but I also really need a car. Right now my wife and I share her car but it's getting really difficult and really stressful! So hopefully within the next couple of months I'll have my own. *fingers crossed*

I actually REALLY love Sunday's at my job too so that works out well. It's a great group of girls that work and I love that it's 9-5 and busy!! And like I said I love the extra in my check on payday. So all around it's a win. Yes I'll be sacr…

D46 Piloxing & Body Image

Whew. Just when you think you've got it all together you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and you feel like your world is just a mess!! I should be SO proud of myself! I've been working my ass off for the past few weeks to stay within my DPT, I've been killing my workouts since my bday when I committed to lifting weights at least twice a week and I've been lifting 4 times!! I've been going to the gym alone and lifting with the boys in the big room. I've bought smaller clothes and my trusty gym clothes are getting too loose. There are SO many great things happening and I've worked really hard but this morning I woke up and I felt like I was at my start weight again. I have no idea why but something was wrong with me. I looked in the mirror and started to tear myself apart. Just yesterday I was proud of the definition I'm starting to see in my arms and I swear my stomach seemed tighter and more toned but this morning I started berating myself. Told my…