Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2016

I'm Going To Chicago & I'm Gonna Be A LEADER!

I've said it before and I'll say it forever: Weight Watchers gave me life. Others will say "ww saved my life" but really and truly I wasn't living till ww finally woke me up and made me realize my true potential and gave me the confidence I needed to start living. 

With Weight Watchers I lost 107 pounds. I was "morbidly obese" my entire life. I was 6 the first time I heard the word and the number just kept creeping up. Though I was never sick I knew I was a ticking time bomb. At any point I could wake up with type 2 diabetes or drop dead from cardiac arrest.

I went to the surgeons office to discuss gastric bypass and left in tears. I knew I would lose weight if I had weight loss surgery but I also knew I wouldn't keep it off. I knew I'd be like the majority of patients and gain it all back...I knew I didn't need to fix my stomach...I needed to fix my mind.

Over the course of 5+ years I slowly but surely chipped away at the mountain in front of …

Goal...!

I stepped on the scale the first day at Weight Watchers weighing 253.4, knowing that this was my last resort. If Weight Watchers didn’t work, I’d be having gastric bypass surgery because somehow, someway I NEEDED to get the weight off. I had 100+ pounds to lose. I was 24, recently married and even though I wasn't sick YET, I knew where I was headed. I have PCOS which makes me a lot more susceptible to developing type II diabetes; my mom is slightly overweight but nowhere NEAR obese and she is pre-diabetic and has high cholesterol.

*side note, mom joined Weight Watchers about 3 days ago. I'm SO proud of her!! I want her to live a long and healthy life, just like I want everyone around me to live a long and healthy life!! She's doing AMAZING and I have no doubt she will lower her blood sugar and cholesterol in no time. 


My father who wasn't sick a day in his life woke up one day in excruciating pain as a tumor the size of a baseball tore into his colon from his appendix. …

Social Media & Weight Loss

This whole weight loss thing isn't easy. It's SO freakin hard. Everyone on social media (me included!) is happy to go on and show progress shots at the gym, share healthy meals they've created and brag about how fantastic they feel; but they hardly say "OMG THIS SUCKS!" Well, I'm here to say it.

SOMETIMES IT SUCKS!

It's taken me 5+ years to do what some people do in less than a year!! That's so frustrating and it caused me so much turmoil. Why can Suzy lose 100 pounds in 7 months and it's taken me 5 years? Why is Betty on Instagram in a thong and barely there bra bragging about her "gains" looking like she's always been a professional body builder? Where is HER loose skin? How was Bruce strong enough to walk away from donuts and eat carrot sticks instead? Where did he get that strength? Why is Maura posting pics about pizza hashtag: #FatKidStatus wearing a bikini with her rippling six pack stealing the show? I mean I know we're sup…

Embracing My Corners-New Hair and New Outlook For A New Me

When I hit One-Derland I chopped off half of my hair and did a really fun "side mullet" to celebrate that I'd taken off 53.5 pounds (SW 253.4) and was now officially in the 100's. I felt fun and fresh and excited and at my start weight I never would've had the confidence to even CONSIDER such a drastic haircut. That haircut to me represented shedding the old me and embracing the new! To some, it was just an asymmetrical style, for me it was a symbol to the world that I was new and improved.

Since I did that there have been several different looks that I never thought I'd try. I shaved the sides of my head entirely leaving the top longer and parted to the side; I've had a pixie cut; I've had the P!nk haircut with both sides shaved and the top fluffy and these days I'm rocking a P!nk/fauxhawk blend with the sides and most of the back shaved but a small V that goes down the back of my head. It's ALMOST a mohawk but the V doesn't reach the back…

30 Before 30--halfway mark!!

SO, since tomorrow is my half birthday, I figured it would be a good time to check in on my 30 before 30 goals! It's been 6 months and I only have 6 to go!! AH! I'm a crazy procrastinator so I ALWAYS put things off til the last minute...with only 6 months to go it's getting to be crunch time!! 
Get to goal!! (I'm not entirely sure what that number is but I know for sure I want it to be 149, maybe less)--not quite here yet but I'm at 150.6 so I'm getting close!Start a blog2 pack abs (just a little definition, I'll probably NEVER have a 6 pack, and that's OK!! But definition? It IS possible!)Take a trampoline fitness classBoudoir photo shoot3 half marathonsLearn to do a head standTake a hot yoga class5k in under 30 minutesPole fitness classBuy a carSave $5000--getting there!Work for Weight Watchers365 days of meditation-at least 5 minutes.1 month without the scale (I'll weigh in weekly but ask them not to tell me)Wear something backlessGet a proper bra…

I Fell In Love Today

I fell in love today. It was the craziest feeling and one of the most amazing moments in my 29 years of life. I will never forget the day I stood in the Target dressing room looking at her. Admiring her. Seeing her strength and beauty despite her flaws...maybe even because of them. She was stunning. Absolutely radiant and proud. She was beautiful outside but not because she had a toned stomach, tanned flawless skin and a thigh gap; she was a different kind of beautiful. She was genuinely beautiful. I stood there staring at her and admiring her and I felt myself smiling; caught off guard by how I was feeling! Almost a little ashamed that she caught my admiring eye. But she didn't reject my admiration; instead she smiled back at me and before I knew it I was crying.

Time was suspended as I stood there weeping softly, hot tears rolling down my cheeks but I didn't feel embarrassed in her presence. I was overcome with emotion but shame was not one. With her standing there I I felt s…

Give Yourself A Break!!

After cancelling dinner on my friend the other day and feeling so sad about it she sent me a text that made me laugh out loud. She is incredibly kind, compassionate, honest and a GREAT friend! She told me not to worry about cancelling and assured me that she understands that I have a lot going on right now. She told me I can't be perfect all the time and sometimes I have to give myself a break. If I have to cry, cry! If I need to sleep, sleep! If I have to be a bitch, BE A BITCH!

I love her for that advice. It made me feel so much better. I needed permission from someone I love to be imperfect. I always tell people that it's OK to be human. You're not going to be perfect everyday and some days you just can't keep it together.

Sometimes you're going to throw a temper tantrum, act irrationally, over eat...it's OK. The actions of your past do not define you! Just because yesterday I was a cranky mean lady and took it out on my innocent wife doesn't mean I am a t…

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

Last night I was getting ready for some me-time; a nice long soak in the bathtub during a snowstorm (I live on the East Coast) after a long day of work...perfect!

As I was disrobing I was watching myself in the mirror. I know that sounds insane but lately I've been having a hard time adjusting to this new-me. I find myself staring in the mirror a lot these days studying my new features...analyzing my new face; clearer skin, an actual jaw line, no double chin.Tracing the hollows of my collar bones, observing the length of my neck. Touching my shoulders and flexing my biceps trying to determine if I'm creating or losing definition.

My wife interrupted my mirror session by going "why are you always staring at yourself!?" I guess I didn't realize how much I was doing it until she asked me why I was.

I don't know if this is normal, or healthy but I can't help it! I almost wish I was completely obsessed with myself and admiring the changes, tooting my own horn goi…

3rd Mystery Weigh In

Well it's Wednesday which means Weight Watcher night. My favorite night of the week!

Weighed in tonight. Feeling hormonal, ravenous and puffy which sucks. I felt super thin earlier this week and woke up this morning feeling like a bloated tick. BLECH.

But that's OK because I'll take it off again, if I was up...not entirely sure...cause I'm still not weighing in...well, I am but I'm not looking at the number and I don't have access to my own Success Record so I will have a history of weigh in's for the month of January...I just won't know what January looks like until 2/3.

It's so weird. Surprisingly I'm not freaking out as much as I thought I was going to. I thought that a month without the scale was going to be a month of panicking and obsessing and freaking out about being in the dark but I'm actually handling it well.

Last week I felt like I was down and it would've been a nice pat on the back to hear that I actually was but I don't n…

Am I Done...?

I have no idea how much I weigh right now. I haven't seen the number on the scale since the end of December...I'm checking the "month off the scale" box off my 30 before 30 list.

Someday's it's GREAT! Someday's I feel awesome, powerful, capable, in control and like I NEVER want to know how much I weigh! The freedom of not knowing the number is unexplainable! Every week I know that no matter what I'm not going to be disappointed by the number on the scale because I am not going to see the number on the scale. I might be up 8 pounds but it doesn't matter because I am blissfully ignorant and will have NO idea!!

Until February 3rd when I officially start weighing in again and peek back at my month. I'm not sure if I'll be psyched, mortified or ambivalent. The problem with blissful ignorance is I have no accountability right now. I could be out of control. I could be going up, up, up and doing a lot of damage...not permanent damage, but damage no…

Wednesday 1/6-First Mystery Weigh In

Alright folks. Weighed in last night, Wednesday 1/6/16 and at this moment I have no idea whether I was up or down. I told the receptionist who weighed me in that I didn't want to know, good or bad! I explained to her that my sister and I were swapping books...I told her way to much. I'm talkative enough but when I get nervous I get chatty and I just kept going. She's not even a regular receptionist!! She was filling in so she's probably like "omg girl...just shut up!" She was SO nice though, totally patient and she didn't tell me how much I weighed and I didn't peek as she wrote it in my Success Record.

That was SO hard, btw!! I've asked the receptionist not to tell me on more than one occasion but I can usually peek as they write down the number. I've become an expert at reading the numbers upside down and then quickly calculating the total. But not last night!! Nope, last night I got on the scale and closed my eyes.

Don't judge me.

I then b…

The 30 Day No-Scale-Challenge!

So on my 30 by 30 list I declared that I wanted to go a month without the scale...

Any idea how scary that is!?!? I kept saying "it's time" and then I'd get to my meeting to weigh in and I just HAD to know. Either I had a great week and I wanted the reward of a good weigh in or I had a bad week and I needed to know how bad the damage was...or..."I'm going to start next week but I need to know my starting weight". There was always an excuse, a reason I just HAD to weigh in...but truthfully the reason is I place way too much emphasis on the scale and I care way too much about the stupid number!!

Which is exactly the reason I need to take a month off weighing in!!

My sister has moved back from Louisiana and now lives about 30 minutes from me which is SO awesome because--well SHE'S awesome--but specifically related to WW it's awesome because now we go to the same meeting! And we work out together and it's just great to have her around. At the en…