I remember this time last year promising myself that 2016 was going to be my year. I was going to step back, slow down and focus on ME. I was like "I'm gonna work out and eat well and get to goal and enjoy going to work BUT I'm going to leave work at work. I'm going to stop taking on so much extra."
Yeah, that didn't really happen. But it was an incredible year.
I took a chance and tried my hand at something new; in the end it didn't work out but I'm SO happy I tried because I learned SO much and as compensation for the work I did I was given a trip to Costa Rica!! I know, that's absolutely insane and I am STILL trying to wrap my brain around how in the world I got so lucky, but there are some things you just can't understand so I'm going stop trying to understand it and just accept it. It was an INCREDIBLE trip. We ate fresh coconuts, swam under waterfalls, hiked and zip lined...it was our honeymoon. It was our 5 years in the making honeymoon and it was so worth the wait.
I got to goal and got hired by Weight Watchers. I've wanted to work for WW since the very first time I went to a meeting when I was 12!! I started in June as a receptionist and in September I got to go to Chicago for leader training. It was INCREDIBLE!!! I just started leading my own meeting 3 weeks ago and in 2 days I start another and then within a month I start ANOTHER!! I LOVE it!! I'm having so much fun. Of course I'm consumed with self doubt and I feel like such a novice but I remember feeling that way when I first started working as a Massage Therapist too and now I'm pretty confident. Practice makes perfect and I'll be getting lots of it with 3 meetings!
I also bought a house...and not just any house...my childhood home. It all happened very quickly and very unexpectedly and at times during the process I felt like I was losing my mind but somehow we all escaped unscathed. My parents have downsized and they're incredibly happy at their new place and Amy and I are making this house OUR home more and more everyday. The process of getting squared away financially was INSANE and then there were the changes we had to make right off the bat like stripping the HORRENDOUSLY UGLY wallpaper and painting the walls...since I was buying from my parents I was here helping them pack and clean and move...
In the midst of the crazy house anxiety my Grandmother-in-law passed away. She was the matriarch of the family and my wife was devastated when she passed. We flew to Iowa for the services and while we were there I lost it. I went on a binging streak that felt unending. I remember hiding in the bathroom eating cookies and then taking tums because I was so full I could barely move. I physically hurt and I was so disappointed in myself but it happened again the next day and again the next day...
It was a crazy, CRAZY summer. I was so anxious. I've struggled with anxiety before but this was the worst it's been in YEARS and I self medicated with food. In the past when my anxiety was at that level I was prescribed medication to take the edge off. In hindsight I probably should've been on something this summer but I wanted to handle it naturally.
All of my energy went to the house and work and I lost all focus on me. I spent my time and money on house stuff and when I wasn't working I was looking to pick up shifts and do more to make money to spend on the house. I didn't workout, I didn't pay enough attention to what I was eating and now because of that, I'm not at goal.
But I realized that that's OK. Because of me and the hard work I put in we got to have our honeymoon!! Something we talked about since we got married but it was always "someday". Because of all the shifts I picked up and all the money I was able to give my credit a HUGE boost and we got approved for a mortgage!! Then we took the extra money and applied it towards things we needed like paint so we could put OUR signature on OUR HOME!! Which, much like the honeymoon was a "someday" type of fantasy. And maybe I'm not "at goal" but I've lost a lot of weight, I'm maintaining a HUGE weight loss!! I might not be at my lowest but I'm SO far from my highest!!!!!
So, that's 2016 in a nutshell. Emotional roller coaster. The highs matched the lows but I learned A LOT. I white knuckled it quite a bit and just got through promising myself "it'll be worth it when it's over" and I wasn't lying. Given the chance to do it all again I would. In a heartbeat.
However, I'd really like 2017 to be a little different. Clearly I am not a psychic and I have absolutely no ability to see what lies ahead for myself and while I do anticipate some more major changes I also feel like I'm a lot more prepared for them now than I was this time last year. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and thanks to 2016 I'm like the freakin Hulk ;-) I know there will be surprises, I know my life is going to continue to grow and I'm sure I'll be blessed in many surprising ways but I also know that I can handle whatever life throws at me. I didn't know that in 2016 but now I do.
And I'd like to take that knowledge and that power I feel within me and use it to propel me forward in 2017 and I'd like to try again to make this MY YEAR. I'd like to get back to the gym and get back into a routine. I like feeling strong and sexy and I did and it was glorious and I know I can feel that way again. I'd like to work a little less...which means I'm going to have to set boundaries and be careful about picking up too much. The truth is there will NEVER be enough money and working my fingers to the bone is not making much of an impact. I can't figure out how but I swear I'm breaking even. When I go into turbo mode and start trying to be superwoman somehow my bank account doesn't seem to reflect my efforts but EVERYTHING else recognizes the change. I'm cranky and tired and MEAN and hungry and MISERABLE. If I was making tons of extra cash it might be worth it...but I have to stop putting a price tag on my sanity. I need to value myself a lot more.
The word I want to hold onto in 2017 is balance. The emotional roller coaster was thrilling at times but the stomach flipping twists and turns left me quite queasy at times and I could do without. I think this year I'd like to experience more of Merry-Go-Round. There's fun music and it moves and the horses go up and down and it's fun but it's consistent and gentle. That sounds good to me.
I know I cannot control what will happen but I also know that I can control how I react to it. I'm not going to attempt to be perfect. I'm not going to restrict. I'm not going to go to extremes. I'm going to aim for a nice and easy, middle of the road 2017.