I have much deeper reasons and I'll probably explore those later on this month but I'm going with vanity to start and I'm OK with it.
I love my new shoe collection. It grows by the day and it makes me so happy. Every time I slip on a pair I feel so feminine yet strong. It takes a certain skill to stand on spikes and it is one that I just recently developed.
Before I started WW with over 100 extra pounds on my body I couldn't trust that my feet and ankles wouldn't collapse under me if I tried to prop them up in a cute shoe. I wore sensible shoes but longed to wear the uber sexy heels I saw other women in. They screamed sexy and I wanted that. I didn't feel sexy. I didn't feel strong. I didn't feel powerful.
I felt deprived.
Plus size fashion has come a long way but when I need it most of the articles of clothes had cartoon characters on them or they looked like something better suited for my grandma. For some reason the fashion industry thought plus sized people didn't care about how they looked or maybe they thought we should hide our bodies in frumpy clothes so we wouldn't offend people with our size. Maybe they thought if they limited our options we would be forced into losing weight to buy smaller and therefore cuter clothes. I'm not sure. I just know I hated shopping and I hated my wardrobe.
I also knew that if I could do something to spice up my ugly outfits I wouldn't feel so uncomfortable. A great pair of shoes would do the trick! But as stated before, supporting myself on those heels was not going to happen...that was if I could even squeeze my foot into the shoe. At first glance you would think that my weight was mostly in my middle and while I always thought I looked like a beach ball with toothpick arms and legs my arms and legs were far from being tooth picks. I couldn't wear bracelets unless they were extra long and all of my shoes had to be wide. If you're lucky enough to find a pair of heels that are wide, they're probably not the sexy badass heels I wanted to be wearing.
I physically could not shove my foot into a pair of strappy sandals without skin bubbling up between the straps which was as painful as it was ugly. I even had to be careful when picking out flip flops. There was a good chance the soul would be too narrow and my feet would hang off the sides.
Thankfully that has changed. I'm still not a huge fan of clothes and I haven't quite figured out how to dress myself but that's OK because the shoes make the outfit now! I can wear something that isn't very cute or flattering because all eyes will be on my feet! I love nothing more than going to DSW and browsing the clearance rack (tip: look for shoes in the opposite season to get the best deals. Sandals in winter and boots in the summer!) I almost always find something and it feels so good to slip my foot right in and strut my stuff!! Even better when I get to the cash register and save 70%!! $10, YEP!! I'll take em! LOL
I don't buy designer shoes, I have no idea how to tell if something is cheap or desirable. I really don't care about that. I'm not a shoe fanatic the way Carrie Bradshaw was in Sex and the City (or is it Sex in the city? I never know...) but I am a bit obsessed! The higher the heel, the stronger I feel.
Another thing that I love about my shoes is they have taken on quite a few different roles. Not only do they keep my feet safe from rocks and splinters (splinters in the feet can happen people!) they are a conversation starter. I'm so awkward and don't know how to talk to people so when they mention my shoes I can joke about my DSW obsession and give them tips on clearance shopping. They're also an anchor. Putting them on reminds me to stand up straight! Stick my booty out. Shoulders back. I hold myself up because I have to but to the world they're like "whoa! Look at that cool girl right there!" ...Or not...But pretending other people think I'm cool makes me feel cool. And on a deeper note they remind me of how far I've come. They say you never truly understand someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes; I've walked for what seemed like a million miles too long in the shoes I used to wear. I understand how horrible it feels to be 100+ pounds overweight (both physically and mentally). Slipping on my new shoes reminds me of what I'm capable of and keeps me dedicated.
People ask me all the time "don't those hurt!?" I want to say "not as bad as the shoes I used to wear." But they wouldn't get it so I just smile.