Skip to main content

D11 I'm A Maniac

Day 11 is brought to you by my manic need to control EVERYTHING.

I never realized I was such a control freak but when we adopted Tallulah I became aware of my blatant need to control everything. I want to control her interactions with my cat and force him out of his domain before he's ready because even though he's comfortable downstairs, I'm not comfortable with him being down there!

I realized that my anxiety would absolutely cause a huge issues as animals are super sensitive and I started trying to calm myself down by acknowledging the issue. However, in acknowledging my desire to control my pets I started to recognize a familiar pattern.

I'm a control freak.

I mean I should've known and I think deep down I always have. It makes so much sense now why the crazy restrictive diet I was on "worked". Because it gave me such rigid structure that I didn't need to think about it! It controlled me so I could relax for once...or at least I thought I was relaxing. Turns out I was just trying to put a rug over the elephant in the room and it "worked" until it didn't. Then I felt all kinds of out of control and of course being a control freak that scared me to death!!

I thought back all the way to my childhood and could clearly remember trying to control interactions with my barbies so they would say and do exactly what I wanted them to. Even as a kid trying to play and use my imagination I was so concerned about controlling it my friends didn't want to play with me.

I think a huge part of my weight problem goes hand in hand with my control problem. I don't know if one caused the other or if they're just coexisting but I do know that Weight Watchers is helping me manage both.

With WW I get my points and I can do whatever I want with them so while I've got some structure it's not suffocating. I can choose the chips and cookies or I can choose the carrots and celery. I never have to say no or yes to something that I don't want to say no or yes to. I simply track it, own it and move on. I mean that sounds super easy and in theory it is but of course it's not always that easy. I overthink. I create drama. I label food "good" or "bad" and label myself "good" or "bad" when I consume these foods.

Thankfully FreeStyle doesn't just address food. There's also a lot of talk about mindset, changing the way we think about things and learning to relax and enjoy life. Enjoying life doesn't mean eating like things don't have calories and not paying attention at all because that feels like crap. On the other hand obsessively weighing, measuring, tracking and restricting doesn't feel good either. As a control-freak-black-or-white-thinker it's difficult for me to find the middle ground (gray) but WW is helping me do that.

I might not be perfect all the time and there may be days that I overeat and days that I worry too much about choices and under eat but with WW I'm learning to let go and that feels good!

-t

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Fell In Love Today

I fell in love today. It was the craziest feeling and one of the most amazing moments in my 29 years of life. I will never forget the day I stood in the Target dressing room looking at her. Admiring her. Seeing her strength and beauty despite her flaws...maybe even because of them. She was stunning. Absolutely radiant and proud. She was beautiful outside but not because she had a toned stomach, tanned flawless skin and a thigh gap; she was a different kind of beautiful. She was genuinely beautiful. I stood there staring at her and admiring her and I felt myself smiling; caught off guard by how I was feeling! Almost a little ashamed that she caught my admiring eye. But she didn't reject my admiration; instead she smiled back at me and before I knew it I was crying.

Time was suspended as I stood there weeping softly, hot tears rolling down my cheeks but I didn't feel embarrassed in her presence. I was overcome with emotion but shame was not one. With her standing there I I felt s…

Falling In Love Again

At Weight Watchers this week we were talking about being kind to yourself. I was asked when it was I decided to stop beating beating myself up and I started to cry the moment I said “it all started with a bikini”.
You can read that story here if you want to be caught up. 
I instantly felt my face flush as I realized I wasn’t going to be able to keep talking without tears rolling down my cheeks and I paused for a moment to look around the room. Was what I was about to do career suicide? What would my boss think if she walked into the meeting room and witnessed the leader having an emotional breakdown? 
My job as a leader is to facilitate a conversation among members, to create an environment where each and every person who walks through the door feels safe and supported and to ensure that each week members leave feeling like they got a figurative hug with a side of science.
It’s great to be warm and fuzzy and I love that Weight Watchers has moved past the days of a leader lecturing for 45 …

D10 5 Ways to Make Running Suck Less & How You Can Apply These Tips To Your WLJ Even If You Don't Run!

I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday and this article popped up on my news feed. I've been running for a while now and I figured it would probably have information I already knew because I know it all...obviously! But I clicked on it anyways, why not!?

And I'm so happy I did! I actually found it funny and I appreciated the reminders because even though I knew things before I read it I wasn't applying them to my runs...but as I read I realized how much this article was a metaphor for other aspects of my weight loss journey! I can apply these tips to more than running, and heres how:

1. Get your chin down! Keep your jaw relaxed. Being aware of tension in my body is super important for me and it's especially important I'm aware of tension in my jaw. I get stressed, I clench my teeth and what happens next? I'm STARVING. Why? Because I'm tense and anxious, I'm not actually in need of food! If I can catch the clench and get to the bottom of what's cau…