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D8 To Lighten The Load

I am not sure if my worrying is genetic or if I just learned it from my worrier mother but I'm a worrier. I worry about everything; most of the things I worry about are totally and completely out of my control which makes me worry more! If I can't control it, I can't fix it. Occasionally I'll get a bried break from all the worrying and then I'll worry about the fact that I have nothing to worry about.

The truth is worrying is a choice I make. I can choose to worry or I can choose to accept that worry will not change things. There are things in my life that I do have the ability to change and things in my life that I need to accept I cannot change. It is not my job to worry constantly and it's not healthy for me either.

Mindfulness is something I'm starting to practice but it's going very slowly. However, slow is sustainable and I like sustainable. Mindfulness is a lot like a weight loss journey; it'll never end. There is no black or white, just tons and tons of gray. Mindfulness is not always easy, nor is weight loss. Sometimes it doesn't feel worth it but in the long run it always is. Mindfulness is acceptance but not complacency; I can accept that I'm uncomfortable in this moment but I can work on changing that discomfort. I can love my body as it is now, a work in progress, but I can continue to work on it.

Being a WW member lightens my load in more than one way. Of course there's the obvious physical lightening of the load, but there is also the spiritual lightening. Every week I'm surrounded by members who can relate, who make me feel accepted, who understand my quirks and embrace my honesty. I love the meetings because it's a half hour of freedom from all the self imposed shackles of guilt and regret.

I choose to eat well and exercise and live this lifestyle when I'm not surrounded by my fellow members because when I do I feel proud, accomplished and happy. When I use food to abuse my body or I skip workouts because "I don't feel like it today" I don't feel good. I feel the heavy and familiar feeling of guilt. I like taking care of myself because it makes me feel lighter and freer and as I mentioned in day 6, I deserve that.

-t

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