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Farewell Blue Dot

A few weeks ago after gaining .8 pounds for no reason I committed to stick at or below my daily points thinking I’d see a big change on the scale and I stayed the same. 

Then my Leader suggested I add some oil to my day to see if the fat would kickstart things so I started adding 4 tsp of olive oil faithfully to my day and I took the 5 points from my weeklies. I was able to continue to earn a blue dot while also incorporating oil but didn’t weigh in that week because we went to a concert so I’m not sure if the oil worked to kickstart anything but I do know my stomach felt different. I have had less stomach aches since adding oil to my day so I will continue to incorporate it but as proud as I was that even with the oil I was able to earn my blue dots I think I need to let go of my quest for blue dots

So much of this journey (for me) is about mindset and I think I might be getting a little swept up in the quest for dots and steps. I am catching myself becoming a little food phobic again. That’s a place I’ve been and refuse to go again.

I’ve been EXHAUSTED this past week, tired to my bones and I’ve had to skip a few workouts because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I feel discouraged when I skip my workouts and I know that if I’m lifting and moving I’ll feel GREAT. I know that not working out is making me feel even more tired but I don’t have the energy to start working out.

I was determined that even if I didn’t work out I would hit 10k steps. When I was tired and wanted to watch a movie with my wife I wouldn’t sit on the couch with her until I hit my 10k so I marched in place angrily feeling resentful.

I’m in Vermont now visiting my friend and we are having HORRIBLE weather so we’re laying low. I have less than 5k steps according to my Fitbit and since we went out to breakfast this morning I’m over my daily points target. I made fantastic choices at breakfast but it’s still tough to get low points in a restaurant. That’s ok!

It’s also ok that I’m not marching in place or risking my life in an ice storm in the pursuit of steps. 

I am glad that I had 3 weeks of blue dots and 10k a day because it proved to me that I’m capable but I think the fact that I’m so tired is my bodies way of saying “ok, enough girl!” If I want to continue to work I need to allow myself the opportunity to rest.

Today I’m breaking the streak. At first I was disappointed with myself, but now I’m proud. I preach balance, balance, balance and here I am FINALLY practicing what I preach. 

When I get home from VT I need to take some time to define health. I believe that health is relative and no one can tell me what healthy is for me except for me. I will also take some time to reevaluate my plan and I’m so looking forward to it because it means I’ll have the energy to get back to doing what I love.

I miss running, lifting weights and an indulgent treat once in a while!!! It’s funny how my desire to stay in my “healthy zone” made it next to impossible to do the things that make me feel healthy.

The zero point foods are awesome but maybe I need a sweet potato AND a big ass waffle on the same day! I want to look and feel good and I need to fuel my body and my soul in order to do that!

Blue dots and a number on the scale are not helping me right now so I’m letting go. It’s a little scary but I’m ready.

-t

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